a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Blackcatgas]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A delivery man knocks on nelson mandellas door,
Hello Ive got 500 brake pads for you, sign here,
500 brake pads there must be some mistake?
Your names on the ticket mate ,sign here.
the next day the delivery man calls again, hello Ive got 100 air filters for you,
100 air filters, I havent orderd those?,
well your names down on the delivery address mate,
hmmm.. ok then,
the next day the delivery man calls again,
hello mate Ive got 200 tyres for you,
Nelsons getting ****ed of by now and is running out of places to store the unwanted bits......
Look mate I havent orderd any of these things...
Well your names on this clip board mate,
Nelson takes the clip board.... That doesnt say Nelson Mandella!, that says Nissan Main Dealer.

LOL

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I was driving this morning when I passed an AA van parked by the road. I saw the driver sat on the kerb with his head in his hands crying and shaking his head and thought he's heading for a breakdown.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I met a girl in a nightclub and told her "Im going to have you in my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen and my lounge when we get back to my place" "Wow" she said,"Lets go, its good to find a man with such stamina!" She wasnt impressed when we arrived at my caravan

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I met a girl in a nightclub and told her "Im going to have you in my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen and my lounge when we get back to my place" "Wow" she said,"Lets go, its good to find a man with such stamina!" She wasnt impressed when we arrived at my caravan

pmsfl

 

[SafeGasInstall]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

pmsfl-please explain it mate ?pardon me

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

sorry SGI forum rules prevent pm me your mobile number and ill text you back
P my self F laughing

fill in the p and the f or ask a teenager

 

[dontknowitall]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

... or ask a teenager

Heehee!

 

[SafeGasInstall]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa got it cheers mate sorry I am quiet fresh from the boat

 

[capitanpugwash]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a sh*t."

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I had to give our lass a black eye last night..... 6 quid for a bottle of drain unblocker and there she was just pouring it down the (Insert your own expletive so as not to upset the moderators) sink!

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine.
Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I am hosting a fundraiser for people with ejaculation problems next week. Don't worry if you can't come.

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

That Stephen Hawking may be a genius, but he is not setting much of an example to kids by just sitting at his computer all day is he?

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Just seen an advert in the local paper ' 50" LCD TV, volume stuck on full, £15'. I thought I cant turn that down!

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Told ar lass I was feeling a bit frisky the other day so she started rubbing my knob with her key ring.......................to be honest I felt she was just fobbing me off!