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This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, its said to be true!
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.. only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a bend approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the bend, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and.... wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...
'Look Paddy.....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'
 
He's got a point...

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So has he...

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i went out last night and got completely bladdered woke up this morning next to some bird who was farting and snoring for england
thats lucky i thought ive made it home
 
I came home from work early to find my wife without any clothes on.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Erm... I thought we could have a bit of fun," she replied. "Let's play naked hide and seek."
"You're on!" I said, stripping as I ran upstairs. "I'll hide first!"
I went into our bedroom and opened the wardrobe door. My mate Dave was sat there in the nude.
"I'm really sorry, mate," he said.
"Don't worry," I giggled. "I'll hide under the bed!"
 
[video]https://www.************/video.php?v=772326369484709&fref=nf[/video]
 
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little *******. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
 
Guy breaks down in the middle of nowhere walks miles through the rain ...arrives at a farm and asks to use phone to call breakdown company ..grumpy old farmer says phones out so he will have to share bed with him and beautiful young wife ..she wakes him in the middle of the night demanding he make love to her ...but he says worried he will wake the old man she said pluck a hair out of his asre and if he dos'ent move he 's fast asleep ....this is repeated three times more until the early hours of the morning .....upon calling the breakdown company he turns to thank the old farmer for his hospitality when the old boy takes him outside and says I dont mind if you make love to my young wife as I struggle these days but ffs dont use my asre as a scoreboard....regards Turnpin:smile5:
 
You may have seen this before but just in case:
 

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