a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[CES]

Good news, docs reckon my knees are ok and I'm fit enough to return to work. He showed me my xray.

 

[Dotty]

Feck.... Why did I like that?

 

[kay-jay]

Good news, docs reckon my knees are ok and I'm fit enough to return to work. He showed me my xray.View attachment 20699

Whats wrong conner? Is it a bit cold up there??[emoji3] [emoji3]

 

[bassmonster]

You sure that's not someone elses dongle?

 

[Dotty]

Do you think that when a Jehovah witness dies and gets to heaven, that God hides behind the gates and pretends he's not in?

 

[chris watkins]

Do you think that when a Jehovah witness dies and gets to heaven, that God hides behind the gates and pretends he's not in?

They have to find & get past Pete first, he's on the inside tucked behind the lefthand gate. God made a dash for it upstair as soon as he saw them coming down the path. LOL

I don't know why but that picture has me cracking up !!!:wings:
Somebody must love em.

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to **** off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

"OK, follow me", he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him, tongues hanging out for blood.

"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked.

"YES, YES, YES!!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I ****ing didn't!".

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

 

[turnpin]

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?...........well endowed of course....lol regards Turnpin:rofl:

 

[turnpin]

Youngest son told me this he saw it on f/b ..
two young boys decide they will swear when Mum gets the breakfast ready.....What do you want for your breakfast Tommy
Cornflakes b**ch....slap the Mother strikes him across the face knocking him off his chair to the floor where he sits sobbing whilst rubbing his face......and what do you want she asks the other boy .......well I ******* dont want the cornflakes he replied!......regards Turnpin:rofl:

 

[julesverne]

........

 

[turnpin]

A guy bumps into his pal in the bar....how's the new job in supermarket going he ask's..........got fired after two day's ....what happened he ask's....got caught putting me c@ck in the bacon slicer when I thought no one was looking.........Wow what did they do with the bacon slicer......oh they sacked her as well.....regards Turnpin:rofl:

 

[stevetheplumber]

one of my first saturday jobs was in a cooked meat shop the sign above the bacon slicer read
boys who sit on the bacon slicer get a little behind in their orders

 

[julesverne]

Feeling shocked, my dad just phoned me at work to say he'd got sacked from his job on highways maintenance. But when i got home and thought about it the signs were all there.

 

[Rickster123]

A duck goes into a furniture store and says 'got any duck food?'
The guy at the counter says, 'sorry, we don't sell duck food'.
The little duck walks out.
The next day, same duck, same guy. 'Got any duck food?'
'Sorry little duck, I told you yesterday, no duck food here. '
The duck walks out.
Next day, again, 'got any duck food?'
The guy says 'No! we don't sell duck food! and if you come in here again I'm gonna nail your feet to the floor!'
The duck walks out. next day, duck walks in. 'Got any nails? '
The guy says 'what?... no'.
'...got any duck food?'