a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[townfanjon]

lol lol

 

[kay-jay]

Bush-Rash!! Must ne made up!

I'm pretty sure bush-rash exists.....[emoji4]

 

[Rickster123]

I can remember being sat in a Norfolk cinema watching Back To The Future and thinking, "Fcukin hell, he's going to end up shagging his Mum!"

Luckily the usher spotted him fingering her and chucked them out.

 

[Rickster123]

I turned to my colleague and asked, "Can you smell burning?"

23 years we've worked together at the Crematorium and that joke never gets old.

 

[Rickster123]

Dave's girlfriend left him today.

She said it was because Dave wouldn't stop talking in the third person.

 

[Rickster123]

I picked up a fat chick wearing a tracksuit in my taxi and dropped her off at the park.

She jumped out and started jogging down the road beside me.

"You go girl!" I shouted with a wolf whistle. "You'll be losing those pounds before you know it."

"My ******* scarf's trapped in the door, you w4nker" she replied.

 

[Rickster123]

I was truly horrified when I found a grey pube last night.

So I've told Gran she's not allowed to cook my dinner in the nude anymore.

 

[townfanjon]

 

[rpm]

Wicked!

 

[rpm]

View attachment 23584

I actually thought I was on for a bit of that the other day but sadly not! Hell of a figure she had though.

 

[julesverne]

A young lad knocked on the door last night and said "Trick or Treat?"
I says "What have you come as?"
He said "A werewolf."
I said "But you haven't got a costume on, you're just in normal clothes"
He said "Well it's not a full moon yet is it, ********?"

 

[turnpin]

Came across this and thought I must share.....lol regards Turnpin

 

[ShaunCorbs]

Came across this and thought I must share.....lol regards TurnpinView attachment 23717

? your going to be short a few pints so not good

 

[Masood]

The Grim Reaper came for me today. I had to fight him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with Death!!!

 

[Dotty]

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"

The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"

The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he slapped my arse, grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?"