re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I'm goin to an aerial fitters wedding on sat.... the reception should be good
I'm goin to an aerial fitters wedding on sat.... the reception should be good
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View the thread, titled "a monday pick me up contains adult humour" which is posted in UK Plumbers Forums on UK Plumbers Forums.
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re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I've just tried those new ****** eye drops. Done nowt for me love life but i don't half look hard!
I've just tried those new ****** eye drops. Done nowt for me love life but i don't half look hard!
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
My neighbour came banging on my door at half past three this morning. Half past bleedin three!! Luckily for him I was up practising on me drums!
My neighbour came banging on my door at half past three this morning. Half past bleedin three!! Luckily for him I was up practising on me drums!
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I walked into a car showroom last night. I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window." He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window." I said, "You do now."
I walked into a car showroom last night. I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window." He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window." I said, "You do now."
K
kay-jay
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
a catholic schoolgirl goes to confession and tells the priest "i'm pregnant"
my child how did this happen? he replied
i think its the 2nd coming she said,
my child what makes you think this?
i swallowed the first she said
a catholic schoolgirl goes to confession and tells the priest "i'm pregnant"
my child how did this happen? he replied
i think its the 2nd coming she said,
my child what makes you think this?
i swallowed the first she said
K
kay-jay
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
a nurse walks into a bank after a 20hour shift. she pulls out an anal thermometer and tries to write a cheque with it. she looks at the cashier and says "well thats great, thats really 4king great! some rsehole has got my pen
a nurse walks into a bank after a 20hour shift. she pulls out an anal thermometer and tries to write a cheque with it. she looks at the cashier and says "well thats great, thats really 4king great! some rsehole has got my pen
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
My wife was trying to be sexy last night. She lay on the bed licking a lollipop, then she started slowly sliding it into her *****. I said, "Steady on love, you'll need that to see the kids across the road at school in the morning..!"
My wife was trying to be sexy last night. She lay on the bed licking a lollipop, then she started slowly sliding it into her *****. I said, "Steady on love, you'll need that to see the kids across the road at school in the morning..!"
T
tamz
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
A chain smoker a homosexual and an alchoholic go to the doctors and the doctor says if any one of you indulge one more time you will surely die.
On the way home they pass a bar and the alchoholic runs in. The other two try to stop him but he downs a vodka and drops stone dead on the floor.
As they are looking at him lying there they spot a half cig still burning on the floor.
The homosexual says for fks sake don't pick that up or we're both dead!
A chain smoker a homosexual and an alchoholic go to the doctors and the doctor says if any one of you indulge one more time you will surely die.
On the way home they pass a bar and the alchoholic runs in. The other two try to stop him but he downs a vodka and drops stone dead on the floor.
As they are looking at him lying there they spot a half cig still burning on the floor.
The homosexual says for fks sake don't pick that up or we're both dead!
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I said to my mate, 'I'm sick and tired of my wife taking liberties with my new blu-ray player. I've told her she's not to use it but I came in today and she was watching an Al Pacino film.'
'Scarface?'
'No, just a few kicks in the ribs this time. But if I catch her again....
I said to my mate, 'I'm sick and tired of my wife taking liberties with my new blu-ray player. I've told her she's not to use it but I came in today and she was watching an Al Pacino film.'
'Scarface?'
'No, just a few kicks in the ribs this time. But if I catch her again....
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
dont believe that at dony station been there a few times and hooked up , one of em lasting 3 years
dont believe that at dony station been there a few times and hooked up , one of em lasting 3 years
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Health and safety gone mad!!
i blame his boss!!!!!
Health and safety gone mad!!
i blame his boss!!!!!
Last edited by a moderator:
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Gonna get one of these!
Gonna get one of these!
B
Blackcatgas
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Why has Elton John got choclate on his bottom?, because George Micheal was "careless with his Whisper".
Why has Elton John got choclate on his bottom?, because George Micheal was "careless with his Whisper".
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
An Amish man decides to take his son into the Big Apple as a treat on his sons 16th birthday. Exiting Grand Central they soon arrive at their Hotel and enter the vast lobby. They notice a large wall with what look like silver doors on it. As they stare, a little grey haired old lady, walking with a stck and bent double with artritis arrives , waits a second and enters the doors as they open. The doors close, then the two Amish notice a series of lights above the door. G , 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 etc Somewhile after, the lights reverse, the doors open and out steps a ravishing blonde, about 25 , lovely figure and legs that go on forever. "Dad", says junior Amish "what's all that about?" "I dunno son, but rush back and get your mother here quick"
An Amish man decides to take his son into the Big Apple as a treat on his sons 16th birthday. Exiting Grand Central they soon arrive at their Hotel and enter the vast lobby. They notice a large wall with what look like silver doors on it. As they stare, a little grey haired old lady, walking with a stck and bent double with artritis arrives , waits a second and enters the doors as they open. The doors close, then the two Amish notice a series of lights above the door. G , 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 etc Somewhile after, the lights reverse, the doors open and out steps a ravishing blonde, about 25 , lovely figure and legs that go on forever. "Dad", says junior Amish "what's all that about?" "I dunno son, but rush back and get your mother here quick"
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Bloke walking down the street, a brick in each hand, singing away merrily. "Twenty One today, twenty one today."
A Youth approaches the man and asks "You sound happy, is it your birthday?"
At which point, the man smacks him around the ears with the bricks.
"Twenty two today, twenty two today"
Bloke walking down the street, a brick in each hand, singing away merrily. "Twenty One today, twenty one today."
A Youth approaches the man and asks "You sound happy, is it your birthday?"
At which point, the man smacks him around the ears with the bricks.
"Twenty two today, twenty two today"
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Ar lass accused me of thinking the world revolves around me! I pointed out that the world actually revolves around the Sun....................Which just happens to shine out of my arse!
Ar lass accused me of thinking the world revolves around me! I pointed out that the world actually revolves around the Sun....................Which just happens to shine out of my arse!
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Whats the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme
Whats the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead *****." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead *****." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
i was up stairs making sweet love to my mrs when the door rang , my woman been her went to answer it in her dresssing gown while i decided to jump in the shower
when she answered the door my best mate steve was there and been a bit startled at my beautiful mrs . said i give you £200 quid if you undo your dressing gown and show my your gorgeous body.
after a while of humming and arrighning she undid her gown and showed him the treasured beauty that lied beneth.
true to his word he gave her the £200
whilst half way back up the stairs she shouted to me in the shower "it was only steve"
to which i replied "great did he bring that £200 back that i leant him at the last week"
i was up stairs making sweet love to my mrs when the door rang , my woman been her went to answer it in her dresssing gown while i decided to jump in the shower
when she answered the door my best mate steve was there and been a bit startled at my beautiful mrs . said i give you £200 quid if you undo your dressing gown and show my your gorgeous body.
after a while of humming and arrighning she undid her gown and showed him the treasured beauty that lied beneth.
true to his word he gave her the £200
whilst half way back up the stairs she shouted to me in the shower "it was only steve"
to which i replied "great did he bring that £200 back that i leant him at the last week"
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
i should point out steve , altough he is a plumber is not member of this site , wink wink names were changed to protect the inoccent 🙂
i should point out steve , altough he is a plumber is not member of this site , wink wink names were changed to protect the inoccent 🙂
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I was talking to my grandad about the recession and he pipes up with "I think it's going to be like the early 70's all over again, 3 day week and all that".
I said "tell me something I don't know".
He said "you know your nan can take my whole fist up her arse" 😱
I was talking to my grandad about the recession and he pipes up with "I think it's going to be like the early 70's all over again, 3 day week and all that".
I said "tell me something I don't know".
He said "you know your nan can take my whole fist up her arse" 😱
D
dontknowitall
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I heard this last Saturday and might use it for the future.
I've twin 16 year old boys and took them out with me a while back.
Next time I go I'll introduce them to the customer:
"This is Nick and Roger. Not their names but what they do on their days off."
I heard this last Saturday and might use it for the future.
I've twin 16 year old boys and took them out with me a while back.
Next time I go I'll introduce them to the customer:
"This is Nick and Roger. Not their names but what they do on their days off."
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