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- Thread starter Ray Stafford
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D
Dotty
29 tonnes assuming they have the same sort of density as potato's thats 29 pallets with 20 sacks a pallet i actually think bulbs would be less dense than potatoes so more like 25 sacks to a pallet makes me wonder
A .how big is your garden
b how big is your garden to have the spare room to plant 29 tonnes of bulbs
A .how big is your garden
b how big is your garden to have the spare room to plant 29 tonnes of bulbs
M
Masood
Ray's a plumbers' merchant Steve. He owns half of Hampshire, and probably a Caribbean island as well.
R
Ray Stafford
There may have been a small degree of poetic licence in my reporting of quantities. it's a merchant thing...🙂
R
Ray Stafford
Ray, this reminds me of the day I decided (rather naively) to not rent a digger to shift 20 tonnes of hardcore from the back of a dump lorry into my 10x10m gravel drive. That was quite a day, 12 hours of non-stop digging if I remember rightly! I understand your pain!
R
Ray Stafford
P. S.. Hello, it's me a again Mr Freeman. Sorry to disturb your weekend, but then, it's not like you were doing anything, is it Mr Freeman.
I learned something new today Mr Freeman. I learned, get this, I learned that bulbs have a top and a bottom.. Did you know this Mr Freeman? It would appear that Mrs S knew all the time, but when do you suppose she deigned to tell me this critical fact Mr Freeman? Before or after I had planted the entire gross national product of Holland? What's that, Mr Freeman? You're sure that Mrs Freeman would have me mentioned it at the beginning?
Truly, you are blessed amongst men, Mr Freeman. But I still hate you.
I learned something new today Mr Freeman. I learned, get this, I learned that bulbs have a top and a bottom.. Did you know this Mr Freeman? It would appear that Mrs S knew all the time, but when do you suppose she deigned to tell me this critical fact Mr Freeman? Before or after I had planted the entire gross national product of Holland? What's that, Mr Freeman? You're sure that Mrs Freeman would have me mentioned it at the beginning?
Truly, you are blessed amongst men, Mr Freeman. But I still hate you.
R
Ray Stafford
I had thought, Mr Freeman, that this chapter of my life was behind me.
Of course, there was the crippled back, Mr Freeman. And the knackered knees. But these minor inconveniences I put behind me Mr Freeman - looking forward, as I was, to the wonderful spectacle that only a substantial tonnage of spring bulbs can provide.
This, Mr Freeman, would be payback. The matchless vista of spring flowers, spreading in their millions (billions?) into a wonderful diorama of vernal pulchritude.
But alas, Mr Freeman, this is not to be.
"Why not?" Mr Stafford, I hear you ask.
Because of The Squirrel Mr Freeman. Because of The Squirrel.
You see, Mr Freeman, in our garden, there is a clear hierarchy. At the top, is Mrs S - the architect and chief engineer of the whole set up. The comes our cat, then The Squirrel, then the goldfinches, the robin, the blackbird, the starlings (junior) then the starlings (senior), next doors cat, the cat from up the road, the other cat from up the road, various invertebrates, the pond scum and finally, right at the very bottom - below the woodlice and slugs - there you find me, Mr Freeman.
Note that The Squirrel is quite close to the top of the hierarchy. Not royalty perhaps, but a Duke maybe? At least an Earl.
And such creatures as The Squirrel must be provided with plentiful vittles, Mr Freeman. Not for The Squirrel to go hungry, or to have to raid dustbins, Oh No!
Apparently, Mr Freeman, the refreshment of choice for The Squirrel is hazelnuts. Not your ordinary hazelnuts of course - but only those supplied my Messrs Waitrose.
But what, Mr Freeman, does this have to do with the bulbs?
You may well ask, sir, you may well ask.
You see Mr Freeman, nature has endowed The Squirrel with a thrifty nature. Present him with a dozen hazelnuts - even those luxury hazelnuts supplied by Messrs Waitrose - and he does not eat them all. No, Mr Freeman - after eating sparsely of the nutty bounty, he seeks to bury the remaining nuts against future want.
And where does he choose as burial sites? Why, Mr Freeman - of course he chooses recently disturbed ground!
AHA! I see you have caught up with me at last Mr Freeman. Yes - 30 tonnes of spring bulbs now lie exposed on the surface, but a few paltry kilos of "Waitrose Finest" nuts lie at the mercy of The Squirrel.
I really hope he appreciates it Mr Freeman. I really hope he does.
By the way - did I mention just how much I hate you Mr Freeman?
Of course, there was the crippled back, Mr Freeman. And the knackered knees. But these minor inconveniences I put behind me Mr Freeman - looking forward, as I was, to the wonderful spectacle that only a substantial tonnage of spring bulbs can provide.
This, Mr Freeman, would be payback. The matchless vista of spring flowers, spreading in their millions (billions?) into a wonderful diorama of vernal pulchritude.
But alas, Mr Freeman, this is not to be.
"Why not?" Mr Stafford, I hear you ask.
Because of The Squirrel Mr Freeman. Because of The Squirrel.
You see, Mr Freeman, in our garden, there is a clear hierarchy. At the top, is Mrs S - the architect and chief engineer of the whole set up. The comes our cat, then The Squirrel, then the goldfinches, the robin, the blackbird, the starlings (junior) then the starlings (senior), next doors cat, the cat from up the road, the other cat from up the road, various invertebrates, the pond scum and finally, right at the very bottom - below the woodlice and slugs - there you find me, Mr Freeman.
Note that The Squirrel is quite close to the top of the hierarchy. Not royalty perhaps, but a Duke maybe? At least an Earl.
And such creatures as The Squirrel must be provided with plentiful vittles, Mr Freeman. Not for The Squirrel to go hungry, or to have to raid dustbins, Oh No!
Apparently, Mr Freeman, the refreshment of choice for The Squirrel is hazelnuts. Not your ordinary hazelnuts of course - but only those supplied my Messrs Waitrose.
But what, Mr Freeman, does this have to do with the bulbs?
You may well ask, sir, you may well ask.
You see Mr Freeman, nature has endowed The Squirrel with a thrifty nature. Present him with a dozen hazelnuts - even those luxury hazelnuts supplied by Messrs Waitrose - and he does not eat them all. No, Mr Freeman - after eating sparsely of the nutty bounty, he seeks to bury the remaining nuts against future want.
And where does he choose as burial sites? Why, Mr Freeman - of course he chooses recently disturbed ground!
AHA! I see you have caught up with me at last Mr Freeman. Yes - 30 tonnes of spring bulbs now lie exposed on the surface, but a few paltry kilos of "Waitrose Finest" nuts lie at the mercy of The Squirrel.
I really hope he appreciates it Mr Freeman. I really hope he does.
By the way - did I mention just how much I hate you Mr Freeman?
D
Dotty
I hear Mr Freeman enjoys a regular cigarette while he views the diorama provided by his planting activities.
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R
Ray Stafford
This is unworthy of a reply Mr Cropp.
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L
lame plumber
D
Dotty
L
lame plumber
catch them and shave the tail tell the wife they are horizontal rats and blast away
i to have had a squirrel problem in the past, they took up residence in my loft. So one sunday morning I'm dressed ready to go out but seeing them diving in and out of my rafters i decided to foam fill the gaps so up the ladder with the squirty foam i went only to find the angle of the roof and the position of the gap didnt allow the can to work so down i come into the shed locate a suitable length of hose that willl fit on the nozle
back up the ladder now i have to hold the ladder hold the can press the trigger and hold the hose in the right place only having two hand i manage to jam the tin twixt my chest and the ladder hold the hose in place and press the tigger with an elbow
so im merrily looking at the end of the hose and filling the gap when i feel something damp beneath my chin ,when i look down at where the can was ive now got half a can of squirty foam stuck to my chest, the ladder and one arm of course ive got no gun cleaner and it was every where so round one to the acrobatic rats
next i got a trap of a mate
two peanuts and about twenty mins later i have a very irate squirrel in the trap a quick read says you have to take them several miles away or they will come back again so of we trot to the forest and release said rat in disguise
about a week later we catch a second one but as im going out and the mrs isnt around he some how falls in the rainwater butt useles info here they cant hold their breathes very long
anyway while im out tht night im telling my mate the story and he says its the same one come back so i said no this one was smaller to which he replied so would you be if you'd walked 7 miles on those little legs
i to have had a squirrel problem in the past, they took up residence in my loft. So one sunday morning I'm dressed ready to go out but seeing them diving in and out of my rafters i decided to foam fill the gaps so up the ladder with the squirty foam i went only to find the angle of the roof and the position of the gap didnt allow the can to work so down i come into the shed locate a suitable length of hose that willl fit on the nozle
back up the ladder now i have to hold the ladder hold the can press the trigger and hold the hose in the right place only having two hand i manage to jam the tin twixt my chest and the ladder hold the hose in place and press the tigger with an elbow
so im merrily looking at the end of the hose and filling the gap when i feel something damp beneath my chin ,when i look down at where the can was ive now got half a can of squirty foam stuck to my chest, the ladder and one arm of course ive got no gun cleaner and it was every where so round one to the acrobatic rats
next i got a trap of a mate
two peanuts and about twenty mins later i have a very irate squirrel in the trap a quick read says you have to take them several miles away or they will come back again so of we trot to the forest and release said rat in disguise
about a week later we catch a second one but as im going out and the mrs isnt around he some how falls in the rainwater butt useles info here they cant hold their breathes very long
anyway while im out tht night im telling my mate the story and he says its the same one come back so i said no this one was smaller to which he replied so would you be if you'd walked 7 miles on those little legs
Had a massive squirrel infestation last year. My neighbour and I sorted it out. 30 between us. Some say how cruel, but they are just rats with bushy tails, confirmed by government protocol. Humane way of dealing with it for me was catch them in a trap and put the trap in a sack, then put the sack over the car exhaust, night night squirrel. My neighbour just shot them, all very well if you get a clean shot. This year only the odd squirrel and very nervous about visiting my roof and destroying my house.
D
Dotty
HOLY THREAD REVIVAL!
So then Mr Stafford, now that the evenings are growing ever warmer and the opportunities to sit on your veranda viewing the panaramic vista that forms the peaceful diorama for you to gaze at I find myself wanting to ask youthis simple question.....
Has Mr Freeman been vindicated?
So then Mr Stafford, now that the evenings are growing ever warmer and the opportunities to sit on your veranda viewing the panaramic vista that forms the peaceful diorama for you to gaze at I find myself wanting to ask youthis simple question.....
Has Mr Freeman been vindicated?
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