Scientists develop formula for ‘the perfect Daily Mail reader comment’

[Dotty]

Scientists in Stevenage were celebrating last night after developing a formula that provides a ‘perfect Daily Mail reader comment’, guaranteeing the optimum number of green arrows regardless of the article topic in question.

Written out in full the formula reads: A x (B+E+D)v where A equals ‘Assumption the comment won’t be printed due to crazy house rules that try to prevent people speaking the truth’, B ‘blame immigration and the EU’, E ‘the expectation that Tony Blair and Gordon Brown will be celebrating the poor state Britain finds itself in since this was always their intention’, D ‘a determination to leave this sinking ship of a country for Spain where at least people can speak English’ and v ‘Vote UKIP’.

Chief Scientist Damian Luglaw explained that using the formula will save the readers valuable time on venting anger, which can then be invested in researching more things to make them angry or reasons why they are likely to die young. The discovery is likely to significantly improve the quality of life for right-wing nutjobs and ‘ironic’ leftwing students alike.

Asked whether the team would be developing a formula for a Daily Mail comment attracting the maximum number of red arrows, Luglaw claimed at first that this would be unnecessary since submitting any reasoned or well thought out argument is likely to produce this result, although at a press conference given later on in the day he issued the following, seemingly contradictory statement:

‘I doubt any of you will actually print any of this due to the PC brigade stopping us from telling the truth for fear of offending the minorities which have now taken all our jobs and housing and are living in luxury penthouse suites while the rest of us starve to death in OUR OWN COUNTRY but that’s not going to change any time soon unless we leave the EU. I hope you’re happy now Tony Blair and Gordon Brown – this is just what you always dreamed of!!! Anyway, if I do create such a formula it’ll be the last thing I do in this country before leaving and joining a colony of ex-pats in Spain where at least people SPEAK ENGLISH. Vote UKIP.’

 

[Keefy]

I always click on the 'Best' and 'Worst' rated comments and it's obvious to me that some people have a full time job discrediting those who speak sense. There's no such thing as free speech in this country.

*Waits for someone to edit my post or call me a racist or conspiracy whack-job Daily Mail style*

 

[Guest123]

We've got a so called Scottish version of that piece of toilet paper called the Daily Mail. Everyday it prints lies and anti independence tripe, but nobody bothers to read it.

Maybe wee slanty eyes the North Korean great leader is its editor.

 

[Dotty]

The SNP claim the only way to tackle social injustice and homelessness is to vote for Independence.

This interesting article by Mike Dailly asks why the SNP do not use any of the powers already devolved to them and instead claim Independence is the only way to achieving their utopian dream.

Scotland's yellow brick road to social justice? - mikedailly

 

[PlumbersMate]

Good read that Croppie cheers

 

[GasmanxxxR1]

Anyone else a Gaurdian reader? Bit of an old lefty me

 

[PlumbersMate]

Really gone off the papers tbh. Just really is lie after lie, used to read the sun from the age of 9 but if I buy one now I will read the sport section and page 3, then it gets rolled up and wrapped round the misses chops.

totally went off the sun after they printed total tosh about QPR in our promotion season trying to get us docked points, everything in it was total ********. And even now the things they put about our players being on £100k per week, total rubbish

 

[PowerFlusher2]

What's the Daily Mail?

 

[nicro3]

Only get it for the crossword, which is easy. The rubbish they have been printing the for last for couple of days will be getting the I and its only 20p!