P
Puddle
Well it was Christmas day ,a day when all plumbers across the land have little smiles on there faces caused by wind from over indulgence the night before, hoping it will stay there with over indulgence from Xmas day as well, happy days
We get up, thinking a day off with the family, a knock on the door, like thousands of doors being knocked this merry morning, to be opened to shouts of Merry Xmas , ho ,ho ,ho, but this is a plumbers door and its no. 22,who could not even raise a smile to you the rest of the year ,holding not holly or a pressie but a torbec in his hand, you look down at his soaking trousers and sodden slippers
No ,not a Merry Xmas or good tidings to you, just ,Hi ,mate, couldn’t help us out cud ya ,you look at the kids opening the pressis you have worked so hard to provide and really wanted to be with when opening, in your mind you say, ‘bog off you mean, miserable old grumpy git'' but as you turn ,your miss's, knowing what you are thinking gives you one of those looks ,'Yeh, alright mate ,be right with you’, you hear coming out your month
You tramp down the path, stopping to get your tools out van and a new side entry valve and on to no22,his miss's in bathroom leaning over w/c ,wet 'T' shirt clung to her body ,ooh, little bonus, short lived as she turns round, its his mother, purple hair ,mascara all running down her face from water ,lipstick from cheek to cheek and boobs hanging down so low, they are disappeared down the pan
You turn the water off under cistern and know you should quit then and there but again out slips,''just bob a new valve in''
10 mins later all done, ‘how much ‘says neighbour ,with a quick '',thanks'' added on the end '',just give us £11 to cover cost of valve 'from 'your reply your expecting a smile of gratitude to sneak across his gourt face but his miserable face twists a bit more and mutters,'' suppose not bad’ then hesitates,’tell you what ,will shop about, see if I can get it cheaper and will just replace it for you''
Should have given him a mouth full and ripped valve back out but so in shock at response, stumbled out of door and it was closed before could say owt
Hurry back home just to find the kids finished opening their pressies ,another memory missed! and in their rooms getting ready to go to mums for one of her great Christmas dinners. ‘pick up the wrapping paper says our lass, handing a black bin liner, do as I am told,suddenly a yell comes from up stairs, miss’s got in shower and not getting hot, no hot water, dive into boiler cupboard and find on lock out ,no heating either, do some checks, find pcb gone ,great ,ring mate ,who I says he has one and I can pick up at noon,
Family can get washed and changed at mum,s , will drop them off ,then get part, plans coming together arrive at mums, find cooker not working, blocked by-pass to oven, sort out, grease all down me new Xmas jumper, from mother-in-law, which seeing how I would probably never ware it again, was not such a bad thing, our lass got mad,though, when I started wiping my greasy hands over my new designer jeans but as I pointed out, need some more work jeans anyway !
Shoot round to mates,gets there at noon, no one in, he's popped round to his mates boiler, as not working ,back asap,1 3/4 hrs later, back, slight whiff of beer on his breath ,its Xmas ,had to have a pint or three, got part, rang wife, suggest fit now ,so house warm when they get back ,off I go ,replace pcb, all ok ,spot leak dripping down towards new pcb ,phone ringing, dinner ready ,I say ‘start will be there soon’ ,
Drain, strip out pump section and reseal refill’ still slight leak ,drain replace 'o' rings ,refill all ok ,dash round mums ,all finished dinner and sat watching telly, so sat with meal in corner on tod, little sausages with bacon rapped all gone, turkey dry, roasties burnt and tried to be hidden under lumpy gravy ,picking plastic bullets out every few secs, shot in by my sisters lad to the rapturous laughter of all the family.
Finished dinner, sat there hoping to enjoy kids playing with toys and chrissy film on telly,but then got collared by one of mums friends who wanting to know why his plumbing in his house was not up to scratch and can I give him detailed info how he can fit a new bathroom suit
2 Hrs later, time for home time ,off we go, get home, nice and warm, went out to get pressies out car and as I passes no18...smelt gas, quite strong, coming through air brick, knocked on the door, explained ,they had thought smell their granddad eating to many Brussels, must admit ,when I walked past him ,could see why ,found air brick from under stairs ,isolated gas and said would pop back in a minute with sniffer and see if can repair
Popped back home, explained and got tools from van ,located quite bad leak and repaired joint ,must have been caused when exercise bike stuffed in there, to hide before Chrissie, probably were it will be re-stuffed after a few weeks no doubt! ,anyway re-enstated ,checked all appliances and back home I went ,kids in bed as tired out, up early ,had to play with the scale electric myself as wife no good ,kept flying car off track
Sat down to cheesy Xmas tv, maybe a little UK plumbing forums.co, nice glass of beer......
Knock on the door ,neighbour from that morning, said he had found an old torbeck in his shed I could have ,at last some pleasure from the day..................seeing him walk home with a side entry torbec stuck out his trousers was a Christmas memory I will never forget !!!
....turned out to be a bottom entry torbec
A nearly really true tale
Hope All Our Members And Passing Guests are having a Great Christmas
We get up, thinking a day off with the family, a knock on the door, like thousands of doors being knocked this merry morning, to be opened to shouts of Merry Xmas , ho ,ho ,ho, but this is a plumbers door and its no. 22,who could not even raise a smile to you the rest of the year ,holding not holly or a pressie but a torbec in his hand, you look down at his soaking trousers and sodden slippers
No ,not a Merry Xmas or good tidings to you, just ,Hi ,mate, couldn’t help us out cud ya ,you look at the kids opening the pressis you have worked so hard to provide and really wanted to be with when opening, in your mind you say, ‘bog off you mean, miserable old grumpy git'' but as you turn ,your miss's, knowing what you are thinking gives you one of those looks ,'Yeh, alright mate ,be right with you’, you hear coming out your month
You tramp down the path, stopping to get your tools out van and a new side entry valve and on to no22,his miss's in bathroom leaning over w/c ,wet 'T' shirt clung to her body ,ooh, little bonus, short lived as she turns round, its his mother, purple hair ,mascara all running down her face from water ,lipstick from cheek to cheek and boobs hanging down so low, they are disappeared down the pan
You turn the water off under cistern and know you should quit then and there but again out slips,''just bob a new valve in''
10 mins later all done, ‘how much ‘says neighbour ,with a quick '',thanks'' added on the end '',just give us £11 to cover cost of valve 'from 'your reply your expecting a smile of gratitude to sneak across his gourt face but his miserable face twists a bit more and mutters,'' suppose not bad’ then hesitates,’tell you what ,will shop about, see if I can get it cheaper and will just replace it for you''
Should have given him a mouth full and ripped valve back out but so in shock at response, stumbled out of door and it was closed before could say owt
Family can get washed and changed at mum,s , will drop them off ,then get part, plans coming together arrive at mums, find cooker not working, blocked by-pass to oven, sort out, grease all down me new Xmas jumper, from mother-in-law, which seeing how I would probably never ware it again, was not such a bad thing, our lass got mad,though, when I started wiping my greasy hands over my new designer jeans but as I pointed out, need some more work jeans anyway !
Shoot round to mates,gets there at noon, no one in, he's popped round to his mates boiler, as not working ,back asap,1 3/4 hrs later, back, slight whiff of beer on his breath ,its Xmas ,had to have a pint or three, got part, rang wife, suggest fit now ,so house warm when they get back ,off I go ,replace pcb, all ok ,spot leak dripping down towards new pcb ,phone ringing, dinner ready ,I say ‘start will be there soon’ ,
Drain, strip out pump section and reseal refill’ still slight leak ,drain replace 'o' rings ,refill all ok ,dash round mums ,all finished dinner and sat watching telly, so sat with meal in corner on tod, little sausages with bacon rapped all gone, turkey dry, roasties burnt and tried to be hidden under lumpy gravy ,picking plastic bullets out every few secs, shot in by my sisters lad to the rapturous laughter of all the family.
Finished dinner, sat there hoping to enjoy kids playing with toys and chrissy film on telly,but then got collared by one of mums friends who wanting to know why his plumbing in his house was not up to scratch and can I give him detailed info how he can fit a new bathroom suit
2 Hrs later, time for home time ,off we go, get home, nice and warm, went out to get pressies out car and as I passes no18...smelt gas, quite strong, coming through air brick, knocked on the door, explained ,they had thought smell their granddad eating to many Brussels, must admit ,when I walked past him ,could see why ,found air brick from under stairs ,isolated gas and said would pop back in a minute with sniffer and see if can repair
Popped back home, explained and got tools from van ,located quite bad leak and repaired joint ,must have been caused when exercise bike stuffed in there, to hide before Chrissie, probably were it will be re-stuffed after a few weeks no doubt! ,anyway re-enstated ,checked all appliances and back home I went ,kids in bed as tired out, up early ,had to play with the scale electric myself as wife no good ,kept flying car off track
Sat down to cheesy Xmas tv, maybe a little UK plumbing forums.co, nice glass of beer......
....turned out to be a bottom entry torbec
A nearly really true tale
Hope All Our Members And Passing Guests are having a Great Christmas
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