L
lame plumber
if you think you have a bit of deli belly try this one!
rules of noro vorus:
Stage 1: if your with a customer, use the loo early, once you know you have this bug so will they, its not silent!
plan your trip home via sat nav, max distance between loo stops 500metres to 1 mile max, any more and its new van interior time.
do not run red lights, it risks blue lights and you dont have time to explain.
on getting home, dont stop to explain to the Mrs, she will realise soon enough!
Stage 2 you wont know what stage your at when stage 1 finishes till you've recovered 🙂
Symptoms
According to the NHS its nausia, vomiting and dhiar dianorre dhaiers the ****S
Treating the symptoms; first problem do I sit or do I kneel, you only have seconds to decide before your wondering if the projectile vomit will get to the porcelain bowl after its ricoched off the 2 walls and ceiling!! My solution, you may know of others, I dont care was to SIT but have a bucket on your knees!!
The NHS site reccommended drinking a lot to prevent dehydration: This didnt work for me as once youve downed 6 hob goblins, it takes far to long to reach the downstairs bog. this means there is a massive risk of redecorating the 18 foot xmas tree all over again. Spo check NHS advise carefully, by fluids they only mean water or other healthy drinks damn it!!
DO KEEP PETS LOCKED OUT THE WAY, COZ WHEN RUNNING TO THE BOG, ALL OUR ANIMALS CONSIDER ITS FEEDING TIME (AS THEIR FOOD IS STORED OPPOSSITE THE BOG DOOR) and they race you to the bog and win. This can result in 3 x dogs licking each other all over to the disgust of other family members when you again render the hall unfit for other human use!
Useful advice and other notes:
A wet feeling on the leg isnt going to be spilt coffee!
If the dogs start sniffing your bum, get moving or you wont make it
just cos you feel better after 24 hours of no food isnt a reason to eat, it only takes 1 hour to start up again!!!
Above all elese DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FART, for at least one week in the clear.
practice first on the bog, then in the shower. But refer back to rules of eating, leave it for 48 hours, try food then wait and see. Under no circumstances try a dutch oven if you wish to see Xmas. If you do at least face away fm her as any failure in normal routines will result in divorce proceedings post xmas.
Other helpful notes are no sitting on her best settee throughout the illness. wash your hands at all times, if you need to sneeze or cough run like the wind for the little boys room!! No comedy on the tv, any sudden movement can be problamatic.
Also, no visiting hospital to see gran, even though this is probably where you caught the bloody thing, they dont want it back!
be prepared, lots of air freshener and loo rolls reccommended,
and have a Happy Xmas all.
No animals or humans were hurt during this period of illness and some things mentioned are fictional but most is factual!
rules of noro vorus:
Stage 1: if your with a customer, use the loo early, once you know you have this bug so will they, its not silent!
plan your trip home via sat nav, max distance between loo stops 500metres to 1 mile max, any more and its new van interior time.
do not run red lights, it risks blue lights and you dont have time to explain.
on getting home, dont stop to explain to the Mrs, she will realise soon enough!
Stage 2 you wont know what stage your at when stage 1 finishes till you've recovered 🙂
Symptoms
According to the NHS its nausia, vomiting and dhiar dianorre dhaiers the ****S
Treating the symptoms; first problem do I sit or do I kneel, you only have seconds to decide before your wondering if the projectile vomit will get to the porcelain bowl after its ricoched off the 2 walls and ceiling!! My solution, you may know of others, I dont care was to SIT but have a bucket on your knees!!
The NHS site reccommended drinking a lot to prevent dehydration: This didnt work for me as once youve downed 6 hob goblins, it takes far to long to reach the downstairs bog. this means there is a massive risk of redecorating the 18 foot xmas tree all over again. Spo check NHS advise carefully, by fluids they only mean water or other healthy drinks damn it!!
DO KEEP PETS LOCKED OUT THE WAY, COZ WHEN RUNNING TO THE BOG, ALL OUR ANIMALS CONSIDER ITS FEEDING TIME (AS THEIR FOOD IS STORED OPPOSSITE THE BOG DOOR) and they race you to the bog and win. This can result in 3 x dogs licking each other all over to the disgust of other family members when you again render the hall unfit for other human use!
Useful advice and other notes:
A wet feeling on the leg isnt going to be spilt coffee!
If the dogs start sniffing your bum, get moving or you wont make it
just cos you feel better after 24 hours of no food isnt a reason to eat, it only takes 1 hour to start up again!!!
Above all elese DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FART, for at least one week in the clear.
practice first on the bog, then in the shower. But refer back to rules of eating, leave it for 48 hours, try food then wait and see. Under no circumstances try a dutch oven if you wish to see Xmas. If you do at least face away fm her as any failure in normal routines will result in divorce proceedings post xmas.
Other helpful notes are no sitting on her best settee throughout the illness. wash your hands at all times, if you need to sneeze or cough run like the wind for the little boys room!! No comedy on the tv, any sudden movement can be problamatic.
Also, no visiting hospital to see gran, even though this is probably where you caught the bloody thing, they dont want it back!
be prepared, lots of air freshener and loo rolls reccommended,
and have a Happy Xmas all.
No animals or humans were hurt during this period of illness and some things mentioned are fictional but most is factual!
