L
lame plumber
just asked the son who is residing en famille with his wife and daughter rent free to put the dogs out for a pee, how hard is it to do that ffs???
All I can hear is barking and yelping for 5 minutes, so off I go to investigate cause. Son, supposed alpha male (in his eyes only not mine) is standing by the door looking into darkness winging "i havent got any shoes" so off I go bare foot to silence the now pack of hounds (only 3) who have a cat cornered in the garden. Only I failed to realise that the dalamation has sprinted back in the house, the Labrador is standing well back and only the nutty golden retriever has the cat by the neck.
So grab the retriever by the scruff and drag him off, put bare foot into the arse of cat and try launching it off into the neighbours. Please note, its dark, my vision isnt good at close range but my hearing hasnt lost any of its ability to recognise sounds etc. And at this point my hearing has identified that moggies don't make guttural growling noises that I am now hearing, as my bare foot makes contact with something much heavier than any domestic kitty!!
Realisation is a wonderful thing, as is hind sight, I really should have slipped on some work boots, I really should have got a torch and more importantly, I really should not have kicked brock the badger up his arse when he has already been having a pretty shyty evening. So at that point I used that wonderful thing that humans have used since the woolly mammoth was around, sheer fright and adrenalin, which meant that I could now carry on my Jonny Wilkinson impression and manage to get that growling lump of fur to levitate about 4 foot in the air away from my foot and more importantly gonads as I damn nigh shat myself.
So now that I realise what was happening, I release nutty dog from my grip and encourage him to see off the now really pyssed of stripy dog across the lawn and off to the neighbours garden.
The result off this little excitement, daughter accusing me of hurting her mad retriever, dalmation who has the nerve of its master decides its safer to crap in the kitchen than garden. So now I am downing the rest of my single malt in the company of my Labrador, who just stood back and admired the whole show, wish I had!!!
All I can hear is barking and yelping for 5 minutes, so off I go to investigate cause. Son, supposed alpha male (in his eyes only not mine) is standing by the door looking into darkness winging "i havent got any shoes" so off I go bare foot to silence the now pack of hounds (only 3) who have a cat cornered in the garden. Only I failed to realise that the dalamation has sprinted back in the house, the Labrador is standing well back and only the nutty golden retriever has the cat by the neck.
So grab the retriever by the scruff and drag him off, put bare foot into the arse of cat and try launching it off into the neighbours. Please note, its dark, my vision isnt good at close range but my hearing hasnt lost any of its ability to recognise sounds etc. And at this point my hearing has identified that moggies don't make guttural growling noises that I am now hearing, as my bare foot makes contact with something much heavier than any domestic kitty!!
Realisation is a wonderful thing, as is hind sight, I really should have slipped on some work boots, I really should have got a torch and more importantly, I really should not have kicked brock the badger up his arse when he has already been having a pretty shyty evening. So at that point I used that wonderful thing that humans have used since the woolly mammoth was around, sheer fright and adrenalin, which meant that I could now carry on my Jonny Wilkinson impression and manage to get that growling lump of fur to levitate about 4 foot in the air away from my foot and more importantly gonads as I damn nigh shat myself.
So now that I realise what was happening, I release nutty dog from my grip and encourage him to see off the now really pyssed of stripy dog across the lawn and off to the neighbours garden.
The result off this little excitement, daughter accusing me of hurting her mad retriever, dalmation who has the nerve of its master decides its safer to crap in the kitchen than garden. So now I am downing the rest of my single malt in the company of my Labrador, who just stood back and admired the whole show, wish I had!!!
