Best Christmas cracker joke of 2013

[Rickster123]

What did bob Marley say when his wife left him and took the satellite dish?

no woman no sky!

haha I cracked up at that. Maybe I've had to much Buck's Fizz!

 

[julesverne]

its an old one but i still laughed when i read it .

what do you call a man with a shovel on his head.

doug

 

[helpsy]

What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?.......Douglas !

 

[clarky101]

What do you call a women with a frog on her head........lilly

 

[turnpin]

What do you call a woman with a slate on her head?......Ruth..regards Turnpin:santa1:

 

[Toxic Ted]

What do you call a man with a car on his head...........Jack.

 

[Toxic Ted]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs swimming in the sea...............Bob.

 

[SimonG]

What do you call a woman on a washing line.............................peg

 

[Dotty]

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?

Warren

 

[Dotty]

Where would you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

 

[Ray Stafford]

What do you call a man with a numberplate on his head?

Reg

What do you call a family member with a numberplate on his head?

R Reg.

 

[Howsie]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs swimming in the sea................

I think you'll find its Clever Dick 🙂

 

[Howsie]

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff

 

[Howsie]

What do you call a man with a plank on his head ?

Edward

What do you call a man with 2 planks on his head ?

Edward Wood

What do you call a man with 3 planks on his head ?

Edward Woodward

What do you call a man with 4 planks on his head ?

I don't know but Edward Woodward would !

 

[Howsie]

What do you call a woman with a radiator on her head ?

Anita 🙂

 

[Dotty]

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

 

[Dotty]

What was the elephant doing on the motorway?

About 8mph.

 

[Kyle87]

How does a snowman build his house?

Igloos it together

 

[turnpin]

Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowoman........snowballs..regards Turnpin:17:

 

[Chalked]

What do you call a Russian who steals bottles of cola?
Knock a crate of pop off.

what do you call a Russian with three testicles?

who'd ya nick a bollock off.
what do you call a Russian prostitute.
lie on your back ya pig.

 

[Poxi]

What did the plumber say when he dumped his girlfriend ??

Its all over flo.

 

[fogarty]

What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on each boob? Beatrix.

 

[PlumbersMate]

What do you call woman who throws her bills in the fire?
bernadette

 

[kay-jay]

One snowman asks another "can you smell carrots?":sly:

 

[jam1979]

That's bad

 

[helpsy]

What do you call a woman who trumps in your pint. Fartima Whitbread.