L
lame plumber
Sooooo its Sunday ( edit, in my fraught state I now realize its Monday night, doesnt time fly when your enjoying life!!!), tv and beer and alls well in my little world, when the noise in the kitchen becomes louder!!
"You get out here" is the shout I hear
Being an obedient sort, up I toddle to the kitchen where my phone is handed to me............ with a look of explain that on her face!!!!!!!!!!
So I look and **** myself as on the screen is "CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOUR KNICKERS OFF SEXY XXXXX"
I think, I ponder, I panic......... I suck in air and realise its nought to do with me, I think, as I am not having a fling or ought. So I look the Mrs in the eye and begin to explain.......... But the look on her sweet face that I know and love is anything but accepting and willing to listen, if you get my drift.
Then ping and another bloody text pops up.............. whats that say? is the sarcastic question from the little frothing volcano in the corner.........
So I look in wonder and read it out "CAN'T WAIT TO RUB MY BEARD ON YOUR CL*T XXXXXX" Now my little brain malfunctions at this one, and her over there looks puzzled, as I point out I don't own a cl*t. She isnt happy, but she has moved out of reach of the magnetic knife rack (to my relief).
Then ping and another bloody text pops up.............."NEED U HERE SEXY XXXX" my beloved moves towards the knife rack again, having seen that one appear. I beginning to have heart palpitations as she is losing it somewhat.....
PING.................PING and I grab the phone off her to see
"SO SORRY JONATHAN"
"WRONG TEXT"
At this stage I scroll up and see that I texted this pillock this am about ordering a replacement fan for a boiler in one of his high end holiday lets. So having calmed a bit, proved to the Mrs I havent been slinging it around, she is off and phoning someone to chat about how funny it all was, not from where I stood to be honest.
Now I am wondering how this is going to pan out as he already owes for a callout out on Saturday night to get the fan turning again and I have a fan coming tomorrow to fit. Being as he always delays paying, I am wondering if payment will now be quicker, and is it time for a review of charges, being as I nearly died from heart failure/got killed by my beloved.
"You get out here" is the shout I hear
Being an obedient sort, up I toddle to the kitchen where my phone is handed to me............ with a look of explain that on her face!!!!!!!!!!
So I look and **** myself as on the screen is "CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOUR KNICKERS OFF SEXY XXXXX"
I think, I ponder, I panic......... I suck in air and realise its nought to do with me, I think, as I am not having a fling or ought. So I look the Mrs in the eye and begin to explain.......... But the look on her sweet face that I know and love is anything but accepting and willing to listen, if you get my drift.
Then ping and another bloody text pops up.............. whats that say? is the sarcastic question from the little frothing volcano in the corner.........
So I look in wonder and read it out "CAN'T WAIT TO RUB MY BEARD ON YOUR CL*T XXXXXX" Now my little brain malfunctions at this one, and her over there looks puzzled, as I point out I don't own a cl*t. She isnt happy, but she has moved out of reach of the magnetic knife rack (to my relief).
Then ping and another bloody text pops up.............."NEED U HERE SEXY XXXX" my beloved moves towards the knife rack again, having seen that one appear. I beginning to have heart palpitations as she is losing it somewhat.....
PING.................PING and I grab the phone off her to see
"SO SORRY JONATHAN"
"WRONG TEXT"
At this stage I scroll up and see that I texted this pillock this am about ordering a replacement fan for a boiler in one of his high end holiday lets. So having calmed a bit, proved to the Mrs I havent been slinging it around, she is off and phoning someone to chat about how funny it all was, not from where I stood to be honest.
Now I am wondering how this is going to pan out as he already owes for a callout out on Saturday night to get the fan turning again and I have a fan coming tomorrow to fit. Being as he always delays paying, I am wondering if payment will now be quicker, and is it time for a review of charges, being as I nearly died from heart failure/got killed by my beloved.
Last edited by a moderator:
