Stupid jokes

[newcastle phill]

You probably seen on the news but northumbria police brought a local drug dealer in off the streets for supplying.

When doing a fulll search theu found £1975 in notes rolled up and stuffed in his bum.











He was heard to say he hadnt quite been feeling 2 grand

 

[Rickster123]

You probably seen on the news but northumbria police brought a local drug dealer in off the streets for supplying.

When doing a fulll search theu found £1975 in notes rolled up and stuffed in his bum.











He was heard to say he hadnt quite been feeling 2 grand

Pah hahaha!

 

[Paulplumb]

A bloke went to the doctors with a lettuce leaf growing out of his bum.

The doctor said it was just the tip of the iceberg.

 

[bright spark]

Hughey rings his boss and says 'I'm sorry I won't be in today, I'm really sick. I have a headache, a sore stomach, a bad back and my leg really hurts'
The boss days 'listen I really need you in here today, we're up to our necks in work.
'When I feel sick like you Hughey, I got to my wife and ask for sex. It makes me feel better and I'm able to go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later, Hughey calls the boss again and says 'you were right boss I feel a lot better after that, I'll be in work shortly. By the way you have a lovely house!

 

[JCplumb]

After finding a new tomb in a half buried pyramid in Egypt, scientists performed a DNA analysis on the remains in the carsophagus and discovered that the body had been covered with chocolate and hazelnuts.
Experts believe this is the tomb of Pharoah Rocher.

 

[SimonG]

What do you call a judge with no fingers?




Justice Thumbs.

 

[newcastle phill]

Where does kylie minogue buy her kebabs......

Jasons donner van

 

[Ray Stafford]

Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?


Where you left it!

 

[missplumb]

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road when a prostitute walks upto paddy and says "do you want to go to bed with me for 40 quid"
Paddy replied "well i'm not really tired but could do with the money!"

 

[turnpin]

Paddy finds a sandwich with wires coming out of it connected to a clock and a battery so he phones the police and tells them ...the officer on the end of the line asks Paddy "is it ticking"....Paddy thinks for a moment and replies "it look's like beef to me......lol regards Turnpin

 

[bright spark]

Here's 1 from a rugger players book from a tour of Sth Africa. Two of d players were walking down d street after a fill of drink. 1 lad was a bit shy, the other was full of himself. The bulk**** artist approached a lady of d night and said 'hello, I'm going to give you something you've never had before'
The girl beckoned her co worker and said 'hey Mary hers 1 with leperacy!

 

[mfgs]

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize?

He was outstanding in his field

 

[Rickster123]

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

 

[missplumb]

paddy and mick are sat watching the 10 oclock news, mick says to paddy "i bet you £50 this bloke jumps off the building and kills himself". paddy takes the bet.
later in the pub, paddy gives mick his £50. Mick says " its ok paddy, i saw it on the 6 o clock news earlier", to which Paddy replies " well so did i, but i didnt think he'd do it again!!"