Worst sayings and best come-backs

[jase158]

Was thinking earlier of the most annoying sayings from jack the lad builders/ plumbers/ electricians and the best comebacks,

i'll with a couple I thought of, feel free to add your own,
1. I forgot more then you know!!
Well your memory must be pretty bad as I know a hell of a lot!!

2. Don't you know the 6 "P's"
yeah- proper plumbers preach p155 poor performance

Pretty poor I know but let's see if there are any better ones??

 

[rpm]

Don`t need you to tell me, I`ve fitted 100`s of these!

Yeah! Well you carry on mate and we are gonna meet again before the warranty runs out!

Actually happened today!!!

 

[lame plumber]

You charge what!!!!!!!!!

Yep

 

[Ermintrude]

Was thinking earlier of the most annoying sayings from jack the lad builders/ plumbers/ electricians and the best comebacks,

i'll with a couple I thought of, feel free to add your own,
1. I forgot more then you know!!
Well your memory must be pretty bad as I know a hell of a lot!!

2. Don't you know the 6 "P's"
yeah- proper plumbers preach p155 poor performance

Pretty poor I know but let's see if there are any better ones??

Ay? Number 2 is bit rubbish

 

[Ermintrude]

Do you know what your doing ? Nope do you?

What's that - none of your business

 

[lame plumber]

if you think I'm bad, I'll give you Ermintrudes number, then you'll see bad

 

[helpsy]

Have you got a 1/2" x 15 x 2000 flexi hose mate?!

 

[Rickster123]

I need a sheet of 8'x4' ply......

sorry mate we've only git 4'x8'. Happened in B&Q. The mrs had to drag me away!

 

[gasmanrob]

Quick open the door Jill the gas mans here.

customer opens door

hello there rob from bt come to install your landline

customer we dint order that

im only playing I'm here to gloss the door frames..

that used to go down well and warm people up for decent chat and an extra biscuit with my tea

 

[gasmanrob]

When I was a boy my boss used to refer to me as

wet behind the ears and green as grass.

untill a while in I finally managed to come back with im about as green as I am grass and let's not forget what you know about plumbing could be written on the back of a postage stamp

 

[Toxic Ted]

"Do you want a bag for that?"
"No thanks i've got one at home!"......followed by six seconds of silence before the penny drops.

 

[julesverne]

If you want my come back you'll have to scrape it off the back of your mums teeth.

not my come back line it's jimmy carr's

but after the day ive had this thread has cheered me up.

thanks jase

 

[rpm]

Don`t need you to tell me, I`ve fitted 100`s of these!

Yeah! Well you carry on mate and we are gonna meet again before the warranty runs out!

Actually happened today!!!

As a follow on, went to a job today and 2 guys there were fitting out a new en-suite bathroom. I noticed a very slight error re the sani install and they were both great about it.

 

[bright spark]

There's those that don't know, and then there's those that know that they don't know

 

[GasmanxxxR1]

"if you want it done any rougher, you'll have to do it yourself"

"a run away horse wont stop to look at it"

personal favourite:

"hows my pipe work look?"

"a blind man would be pleased to see it"

 

[rpm]

Doing a saniflo service................

Cor your hoover pongs!

No madam thats not my hoover that`s your shyte!

 

[WaterTight]

-Pipework's a bit ****ed isn't it?
-What makes you think I'm not?

-You planning on finishing today?
-You planning on any dangerous foreign travel?

-There's black water all over my carpet.
-No charge

-This doesn't look very good!
-You're hardly open-casket material yourself you jizz-slipper

 

[fogarty]

I'd like to agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.

 

[julesverne]

I'd like to agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.

That is class

 

[Ermintrude]

Why don't you **** off back to your office p1rck.

Why don't you walk straight to your car and save your boss the phone call. Get off my site now.

 

[turnpin]

Are you taking the p**s out of me....no you dont need any help your doing fine on your own!

Heavy plumber I worked with when ribbed about his weight replied..Its your mums fault every time I pop round for a quickie she gives me a biscuit before I leave......
regards Turnpinunk:

 

[helpsy]

How can you be so stupid with only one head?!

 

[Ray Stafford]

I am normally brusque but polite to tele-sales people, on the grounds that at least they have a job, and aren't on benefits. However, there is a particular type of know-it-all tele-sales person who really gets on my t1ts. I reserve this response for them.

Me: "I will buy your product/service, if you can answer one question to my satisfaction"

Them: "Ok, whats the question?"

Me: "If you know so much more than me about whats best for my business, how come I'm running it, and you still have a **** job in telesales?"

Them: "Click. bbbrrrrrrrrrr....."

 

[Ermintrude]

What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so.

 

[helpsy]

I think the brains part of the sperm ran down your Mum's leg !

 

[newcastle phill]

Some well balanced opinions here...

Yous obviously have a chip on each shoulder

 

[Leo21]

Customer "I'm home after six"


" so am I"

 

[nicro3]

You can't Bullsxxt a Bullsxxter

 

[billybob150811]

"it was alright before you touched it" "so it was" depends how such sarcasm you can intone in your voice

 

[bigads28]

I was pestered by PPI people on the mobile and got to know the numbers they called on. I started answering them...

"Hello Gas emergency!"

Hello this isn't a sales call.

This is a gas emergency line, what is your emergency!

Click....................

 

[jase158]

it was alright before you touched it!!

I must have the magic touch!!

 

[newcastle phill]

Theres no ii in team
But theres 5 in individual brilliance

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

got asked by some half wit yesterday as i rolled up in the landy do they have many radiators up mountains then


no more than you have brain cells was the reply

 

[Whyme]

Ya cant polish a turd....ya can roll it in glitter..

 

[SimonG]

Ya cant polish a turd....ya can roll it in glitter..

You can polish a turd, saw it on mythbusters