K
kay-jay
multi tasking.......
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a monday pick me up contains adult humour
- Thread starter Barry98
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View the thread, titled "a monday pick me up contains adult humour" which is posted in UK Plumbers Forums on UK Plumbers Forums.
B
Barry98
I tried to create a help group for people who can't have orgasms, but nobody came.
B
Barry98
The missus left a note on the fridge, saying its not working, I'm staying at my mum's for a while!
I opened it, the light came on and the beer was cold. Sod knows what she was on about!
I opened it, the light came on and the beer was cold. Sod knows what she was on about!
B
Barry98
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now.
How longs it take to have a baby for gods sake.
How longs it take to have a baby for gods sake.
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Barry98
Teacher: Now then class, let's do some simple sums. I give you £10 and you take a £1. What do I have?
Little Johnny: A bank account in Cyprus, Miss.
Little Johnny: A bank account in Cyprus, Miss.
K
kay-jay
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she see her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
“What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”
The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up again
“What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”
The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up again
I have to admit I just copied it and posted it on a fb Martin ! Good one
T
TomLane
B
Barry98
From Facebook
M
Mike Jackson
I thought it was croppie.
T
TomLane
Ha, Mike I'm glad you said that! It was on my mind to say it but didn't fancy the infraction! You can get away with it though!
B
Barry98
View attachment 11853On the notice board for tomorrow
Attachments
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Ooohh!.. This should be interesting when John reads it.. (sits back with beer and popcorn at the ready)..
B
Barry98
Keffy what brand of trainers do you wear
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B
Barry98
You I'd already edited it
D
Dotty
Right.
B
Barry98
I am yes , but too late
D
Dotty
Infraction issued to Keefy for being a git.
B
Barry98
Infraction removed cos it was funny as f
B
Barry98
I thought this was real till I read it all
B
Billy Bob Bob
Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....
"Ed, wake up! You **** the bed!"
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....
"Ed, wake up! You **** the bed!"
B
Barry98
Paddy was telling Mick about his first sky dive.
When I got to the door I couldn't jump.
So the 6ft 7” black instructor unzips his fly & drops out his 10 inches
& says if you don't jump you're going to get this baby up your arse !......
Mick asks "Did you jump?".
Paddy replies "A little bit when it first went in".
When I got to the door I couldn't jump.
So the 6ft 7” black instructor unzips his fly & drops out his 10 inches
& says if you don't jump you're going to get this baby up your arse !......
Mick asks "Did you jump?".
Paddy replies "A little bit when it first went in".
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Barry98
An Aussie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
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Billy Bob Bob
R
Ray Stafford
Boys and Girls. Take two minute and 16 seconds of your lives to watch this. I was nearly crying 🙂
Art Attack - How To Draw A Cock - YouTube
Art Attack - How To Draw A Cock - YouTube
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