M
Welcome to the forum. Although you can post in any forum, the USA forum is here in case of local regs or laws
a monday pick me up contains adult humour
- Thread starter Barry98
- Start date
-
- Tags
- None
View the thread, titled "a monday pick me up contains adult humour" which is posted in UK Plumbers Forums on UK Plumbers Forums.
If the vote goes the wrong way, we might have to start paying, still at least there will be no currency exchange charges. LOL
G
gavinwilson
T
tamz
Q. My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A. Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must play with it, either do it in your own time – or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to film yourself whilst doing this – and then present the film to your husband as a birthday present. To ease your guilt perform oral sex on him then cook him a delicious meal.
Q. My husband wants a threesome with my best-friend and me.
A. Clearly, your husband can't get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing – your best-friend. Far from being an issue, this could bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old university friends involved as well – the more the better. If you are still not quite sure, then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q. My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A. You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training! Foreplay to a man is both time consuming and stressful. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no strings attached. Requests for foreplay only indicate that you do not care for your man as much as he thinks you should. Stop being so selfish! To make things up to him, offer to perform oral sex on him - then cook him a nice meal.
[FONT=&]Q. My husband continually asks me to perform Oral Sex on him.
A. Do as he says. ***** can help you lose weight and makes your skin glow. Most men know this and his offer to let you do this is a totally self-less act which shows that he loves you. Even better, perform it twice a day then cook him a nice meal.[/FONT]
A. Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must play with it, either do it in your own time – or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to film yourself whilst doing this – and then present the film to your husband as a birthday present. To ease your guilt perform oral sex on him then cook him a delicious meal.
Q. My husband wants a threesome with my best-friend and me.
A. Clearly, your husband can't get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing – your best-friend. Far from being an issue, this could bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old university friends involved as well – the more the better. If you are still not quite sure, then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q. My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A. You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training! Foreplay to a man is both time consuming and stressful. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no strings attached. Requests for foreplay only indicate that you do not care for your man as much as he thinks you should. Stop being so selfish! To make things up to him, offer to perform oral sex on him - then cook him a nice meal.
[FONT=&]Q. My husband continually asks me to perform Oral Sex on him.
A. Do as he says. ***** can help you lose weight and makes your skin glow. Most men know this and his offer to let you do this is a totally self-less act which shows that he loves you. Even better, perform it twice a day then cook him a nice meal.[/FONT]
M
Masood
That's why you're never grumpy, eh Tamz??? ;p
T
tamz
Q. 3 times now i've walked in the bathroom and caught my husband masterbating. What should i do now.
A. Learn to knock or **** in the sink
A. Learn to knock or **** in the sink
T
tamz
All in the training :lol:
I
IDCHAPPY
L
lame plumber
doh bummer
Fella moves out in the wilds next to a monastry for peace and quite ....on the 1st Friday night he hears a terrible screeching and wailing and after 1/2 an hour he go's round and bangs on the monastry doors.......whats going on ..whats with all the noise?...Oh we are holding a monks ball came the reply ....well let the poor ufcker go so we can all get some sleep........regards Turnpin
M
Masood
P
PlumbBobBob
Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea two prawns were swimming around.
One called James and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day James said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;
I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'.
Lo and behold, James turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and James found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
James began to realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps
the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes James swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal. 'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, James, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me.
You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
James cried back 'No, I'm not.
That was the old me. I've changed.'.........
(You're going to love this................................)
'I've found Cod.
I'm a Prawn again Christian'
One called James and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day James said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;
I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'.
Lo and behold, James turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and James found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
James began to realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps
the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes James swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal. 'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, James, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me.
You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
James cried back 'No, I'm not.
That was the old me. I've changed.'.........
(You're going to love this................................)
'I've found Cod.
I'm a Prawn again Christian'
B
Barry98
D
Dotty
I just got back from the doctors and am devastated to find out I've been infertile since birth.
I have no idea how I'm going to break the news to the wife and kids.
I have no idea how I'm going to break the news to the wife and kids.
L
lame plumber
sad to say but probably true (snigger)
Me and the missis were at a wedding at the weekend.
In to the evening 'do' there was a bit of a commotion on the dance floor and everybody went for a look. There was a guy dancing on his own,
Jesus we was good, doing the old moonwalk, twists, turns, somersaults he made John Travolta look quite normal, anyway herin doors says 'you see that bloke there, yes my sweet I said.
Well she says I could have married him 30 years ago but I turned him down for you.
To which I replied, blimey he had a right let off, looks like hes still celebrating !!!.
In to the evening 'do' there was a bit of a commotion on the dance floor and everybody went for a look. There was a guy dancing on his own,
Jesus we was good, doing the old moonwalk, twists, turns, somersaults he made John Travolta look quite normal, anyway herin doors says 'you see that bloke there, yes my sweet I said.
Well she says I could have married him 30 years ago but I turned him down for you.
To which I replied, blimey he had a right let off, looks like hes still celebrating !!!.
G
gavinwilson
not really sure about this new flavour gary 
K
kay-jay
B
Billy Bob Bob
Flipping flip off
A
albatross
What's a woman's ringpiece and a nine volt battery got in common?
You know it's wrong but you can't stop your self licking it.
You know it's wrong but you can't stop your self licking it.
E
erpkid
I am so proud to be a member of this forum.............
Me too..:yes:
R
Ray Stafford
You owe me a new keyboard. Half a glass of tescos finest cab sav just got spat all over mine. 🙂
E
erpkid
Strangely cab sav has become our tipple of choice.......must be an age or maturity/wisdom thing
No tee shirts XL please
R
Ray Stafford
I have a less flattering theory.
Our bladders can no longer cope with sufficient beer to get us drunk
Our livers can no longer cope with sufficient spirits to get us drunk
Therefore wine strikes a nice balance for a man of a certain age... 🙂
Or it could be your maturity/wisdom thing. Who knows?
Official Sponsors of Plumbers Talk
Reply to the thread, titled "a monday pick me up contains adult humour" which is posted in UK Plumbers Forums on Plumbers Forums.
Similar plumbing topics
- Worcester Boiler broken
- Boiler Advice Forum
We recommend City Plumbing Supplies, BES, and Plumbing Superstore for all plumbing supplies.
