D
Dotty
Being as you're only a principality and not really a country. It technically follows that ENGLAND won the 6 nations.......
-
Are you a Gas Engineer? Join the new Gas Talk community!
Gas Engineers only CLICK HERE TO VISIT GAS TALK Forum, and CLICK HERE to Join the Gas Talk FB Community. Read more about this in THIS THREAD.
-
PowDer Flush
The Cheap Alternative to Power Flush: Checkout PowDer Flush
Welcome to the forum. Although you can post in any forum, the USA forum is here in case of local regs or laws
a monday pick me up contains adult humour
- Thread starter Barry98
- Start date
-
- Tags
- None
View the thread, titled "a monday pick me up contains adult humour" which is posted in UK Plumbers Forums on UK Plumbers Forums.
Being as you're only a principality and not really a country. It technically follows that ENGLAND won the 6 nations.......
B
Billy Bob Bob
yes but wales still won so tough:tongue3:
W
Whl4852
Breaking News : Prince Harry met some children yesterday who`d been blown up in landmines. "How do you cope being legless everyday?" the kids asked Harry.
D
dontknowitall
I've just returned from my holiday in Thailand and I came so close to sleeping with a Ladyboy! Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady and kissed like a lady.
It was only when she drove me back to her place, reversed the car into the garage first time, I thought to myself, "Hang on a minute..."
It was only when she drove me back to her place, reversed the car into the garage first time, I thought to myself, "Hang on a minute..."
Did you get an erection ?
Four eminate scientists were at a do discussing the fastest thing known to man ...No1 said it had to be blinking before you had time to think about it you had already blinked ...No2 said I believe nothing is faster than than thinking often you have already done it before you thought about it....No3 said it had to be electricity you push a switch and the light is there in a split second ...no4 said it had to be diahorrea because by the time I`ve blinked had a think or put the light on I`ve already **** myself .....regards turnpin:tongue3:
D
dontknowitall
Nah - I just thought, "Phuket!" :smile:
M
Masood
M
Masood
Gah! Can't edit... France reacts to possible threat from N. Korea...
M
mountainman
Two women were playing golf. One teed off
and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men
playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his
hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve
your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
*
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine
in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal
position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence,
however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered
tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"
*
"Feels great," he replied, "but I still
think my thumb's broken!"
and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men
playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his
hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve
your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
*
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine
in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal
position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence,
however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered
tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"
*
"Feels great," he replied, "but I still
think my thumb's broken!"
T
TomLane
It annoys me when my girlfriend leaves her underwear all over the bedroom.
She knows my wife will find it.
She knows my wife will find it.
B
Billy Bob Bob
M
mountainman
D
Dotty
Margaret Thatcher. Screwed more miners than Jimmy Saville ever dreamt of.
M
mountainman
Not as many as Arthur Scargill though!
E
erpkid
Well said !!
E
erpkid
He was right in what he said at the time but a disappointment in his later life.
A courting couple head to the woods at the dark dead of night for a little action I`ve got some flavoured condoms say`s he quick jump in the back and I`ll turn out the light`s after a minute she say`s there different cheese and onion flavour.... he replie`s I haven`t had time to put one on yet.....regards turnpin:biggrin5:
E
erpkid
I feel really sick now.......thank you !
A Scotsman, Englishman and a Welshman were using the urinals .
The Englishman finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular, "At Oxford, I learned to be clean and sanitary." The man then left the bathroom in a cloud of self-satisfaction.
The Welsh gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, "At Cardiff University, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious." He then strode from the bathroom with a purposeful air.
The Jock man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In Scotland, we learn not to **** on our hands."
The Englishman finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular, "At Oxford, I learned to be clean and sanitary." The man then left the bathroom in a cloud of self-satisfaction.
The Welsh gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, "At Cardiff University, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious." He then strode from the bathroom with a purposeful air.
The Jock man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In Scotland, we learn not to **** on our hands."
D
Dotty
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained:
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained:
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
D
Dotty
D
Dotty
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
R
Ray Stafford
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.” The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,… and I didn’t land.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.” The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,… and I didn’t land.”
D
Dotty
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. The doctor said "When you feel you are ready to ejaculate try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion he ran home to his wife. At home he found his wife in bed naked and waiting. As the two began they found themselves in the 69 position. The man moments later felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired off the starter pistol. The next day the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked "How did it go?" The man answered "Not that well. When i fired the pistol my wife crapped in my face, bit my *****, and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
B
Billy Bob Bob
K
kay-jay
cant even spell quality lmao
J
julesverne
What's a Catholic Priest and a pint of Guinness got in common ? .... Black coat, white collar and god help your arse if you get a dodgy one ...
D
Dotty
My son looked upset today so I asked him what was wrong.
He sat down on the sofa beside me and said, "Can I talk to you about having sex with my girlfriend?"
"Of course you can son" I replied.
He said, "Can you stop doing it please!"
He sat down on the sofa beside me and said, "Can I talk to you about having sex with my girlfriend?"
"Of course you can son" I replied.
He said, "Can you stop doing it please!"
Reply to the thread, titled "a monday pick me up contains adult humour" which is posted in UK Plumbers Forums on Plumbers Forums.
Similar plumbing topics
- Worcester Boiler broken
- Boiler Advice Forum
We recommend City Plumbing Supplies, BES, and Plumbing Superstore for all plumbing supplies.
