a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Dotty]

Subject: story
The teacher asked her class to write down on a piece of paper the type of work their daddies did.
The children, very excitedly, scribbled their answers.
One by one, the teacher asked each child to stand and describe the job.
There was much laughter and screaming, apart from, that is, little Tommy.
“Tommy, why do you lo...ok so sad?” asked the teacher.
Tommy slowly rose to his feet, and replied: “My Dad’s a stripper in a gay bar”.
The other children remained silent, as Tommy continued:
“Sometimes, he doesn’t come home, and my Mummy sits crying. Sometimes, he sells his body for other men’s pleasure.”
There were gasps around the classroom. The teacher acted quickly and dismissed the children, telling them to go out and play.
She then walked up to little Tommy, put her arm around his shoulders, and asked: “Is all that true, Tommy?”
“No, not at all, Miss. He really plays rugby for England, but I was too embarrassed to say”.

Being as you're only a principality and not really a country. It technically follows that ENGLAND won the 6 nations.......

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

Being as you're only a principality and not really a country. It technically follows that ENGLAND won the 6 nations.......

yes but wales still won so tough:tongue3:

 

[Whl4852]

Breaking News : Prince Harry met some children yesterday who`d been blown up in landmines. "How do you cope being legless everyday?" the kids asked Harry.

 

[dontknowitall]

I've just returned from my holiday in Thailand and I came so close to sleeping with a Ladyboy! Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady and kissed like a lady.

It was only when she drove me back to her place, reversed the car into the garage first time, I thought to myself, "Hang on a minute..."

 

[dancinplumba]

I've just returned from my holiday in Thailand and I came so close to sleeping with a Ladyboy! Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady and kissed like a lady.

It was only when she drove me back to her place, reversed the car into the garage first time, I thought to myself, "Hang on a minute..."

Did you get an erection ?

 

[turnpin]

Four eminate scientists were at a do discussing the fastest thing known to man ...No1 said it had to be blinking before you had time to think about it you had already blinked ...No2 said I believe nothing is faster than than thinking often you have already done it before you thought about it....No3 said it had to be electricity you push a switch and the light is there in a split second ...no4 said it had to be diahorrea because by the time I`ve blinked had a think or put the light on I`ve already **** myself .....regards turnpin:tongue3:

 

[dontknowitall]

Did you get an erection ?

Nah - I just thought, "Phuket!" :smile:

 

[Masood]

 

[Masood]

Gah! Can't edit... France reacts to possible threat from N. Korea...

 

[Keefy]

Missus: Dinner is nearly done wash two plates.
Me: No.
Her: Thanks.
Me: No means no.
Her: It means yes.
Me: I'll remember that.

 

[mountainman]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off

and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men
playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his
hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve
your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
*
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine
in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal
position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence,
however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered
tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"
*
"Feels great," he replied, "but I still
think my thumb's broken!"

 

[TomLane]

It annoys me when my girlfriend leaves her underwear all over the bedroom.

She knows my wife will find it.

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

king mong

 

[mountainman]

 

[Dotty]

Margaret Thatcher. Screwed more miners than Jimmy Saville ever dreamt of.

 

[mountainman]

Not as many as Arthur Scargill though!

 

[erpkid]

Margaret Thatcher. Screwed more miners than Jimmy Saville ever dreamt of.

Well said !!

 

[erpkid]

Not as many as Arthur Scargill though!

He was right in what he said at the time but a disappointment in his later life.

 

[turnpin]

A courting couple head to the woods at the dark dead of night for a little action I`ve got some flavoured condoms say`s he quick jump in the back and I`ll turn out the light`s after a minute she say`s there different cheese and onion flavour.... he replie`s I haven`t had time to put one on yet.....regards turnpin:biggrin5:

 

[erpkid]

A courting couple head to the woods at the dark dead of night for a little action I`ve got some flavoured condoms say`s he quick jump in the back and I`ll turn out the light`s after a minute she say`s there different cheese and onion flavour.... he replie`s I haven`t had time to put one on yet.....regards turnpin:biggrin5:

I feel really sick now.......thank you !