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Welcome to the forum. Although you can post in any forum, the USA forum is here in case of local regs or laws
View the thread, titled "a monday pick me up contains adult humour" which is posted in UK Plumbers Forums on UK Plumbers Forums.
- Status
K
Kyle87
P
PlumbBobBob
no comment needed really lmao
Is that a female, surely not.
L
lame plumber
Ninja turtles. In the hood - YouTube haha this is good
B
Barry98
thats happened to us but it was a leak in a hotel , never went back
T
TomLane
I came home from work today and found a large box waiting for me:
"Put your clothes on love" I said, "I'm not in the mood "
"Put your clothes on love" I said, "I'm not in the mood "
D
Dotty
A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgae, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner.
The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?
The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every time ma hubbie comes home pished, he threatens to slap me aroon'."
The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."
Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
She says: "Doctor that was a effin brilliant! Evrae time ma hubbie came home pished, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me even once! Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? How's the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret. The water does bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."
The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?
The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every time ma hubbie comes home pished, he threatens to slap me aroon'."
The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."
Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
She says: "Doctor that was a effin brilliant! Evrae time ma hubbie came home pished, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me even once! Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? How's the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret. The water does bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."
D
Dotty
A guy thought his wife was cheating on him.So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse.
The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $ 100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?".
The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.
A couple of minutes later the ***** house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.
The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".
The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!".
The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $ 100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?".
The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.
A couple of minutes later the ***** house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.
The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".
The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!".
D
Dotty
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying *******! You've been playing golf!"
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying *******! You've been playing golf!"
D
Dotty
The mrs said to me last night in bed. . .
"If you turn off the bedside light . . I will take it up the arse . . ."
In hindsight I should have waited for the bulb to cool. . .
"If you turn off the bedside light . . I will take it up the arse . . ."
In hindsight I should have waited for the bulb to cool. . .
D
Dotty
As my wife lay there, handcuffed to the bed, covered in ***** and with a buttplug hanging out of her arse, two things occurred to me.
Firstly, since I took her virginity all those years ago she had become more uninhibited in the bedroom than I could have ever anticipated.
Secondly, she had clearly forgotten that I was going to be home early.
Firstly, since I took her virginity all those years ago she had become more uninhibited in the bedroom than I could have ever anticipated.
Secondly, she had clearly forgotten that I was going to be home early.
B
Billy Bob Bob
That is pure class, laughed all the way through reading it.
T
TBServices
Brilliant. Really - Brilliant.
K
Kyle87
That is brill
M
Masood
A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress.
A sign read: ‘Don’t miss Bruce – The Amazing Scotsman‘. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was an old Scotsman.
Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.
Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded poster for the same circus and the same sign ’Don’t miss Bruce – The Amazing Scotsman‘.
He couldn’t believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act!
He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
‘You’re incredible!’ he told the Scotsman. ‘But I have to know something. You’re older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts.
‘Well laddie,’ said the Scot, ‘Ma eyes are nae what they used tae be!!!!!!!!!
A sign read: ‘Don’t miss Bruce – The Amazing Scotsman‘. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was an old Scotsman.
Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.
Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded poster for the same circus and the same sign ’Don’t miss Bruce – The Amazing Scotsman‘.
He couldn’t believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act!
He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
‘You’re incredible!’ he told the Scotsman. ‘But I have to know something. You’re older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts.
‘Well laddie,’ said the Scot, ‘Ma eyes are nae what they used tae be!!!!!!!!!
M
Masood
M
Masood
Please, please let that be a real name!
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