D
Dotty
My wife was upset when just as we started to make love she had another one of those wild orgasms deep in her vagina...
...as usual it was mine.
...as usual it was mine.
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a monday pick me up contains adult humour
- Thread starter Barry98
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View the thread, titled "a monday pick me up contains adult humour" which is posted in UK Plumbers Forums on UK Plumbers Forums.
D
Dotty
I hate waking up with an erection.
Especially when it isn't mine.
Especially when it isn't mine.
D
Dotty
Just found out my brother is a mime artist.
He kept that quiet.
He kept that quiet.
Paddy phone`s the AA when his motorbike break`s down when the mechanic arrive`s he ask`s what happened ..I was going o.k until I went around the bend and up the hill when I just lost power....and what gear were you in ......just me wellie`s donkey coat and me crash helmet....regards turnpin:8:
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor
had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and
on....
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he
poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in
the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he
dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was
told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay
of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to
go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor
had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and
on....
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he
poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in
the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he
dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was
told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay
of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to
go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
B
Billy Bob Bob
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying ******? asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish ******. It's when you drop the ****** tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! It was terrible! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it into his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But as sure as I'm sitting here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
"What about trying ******? asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish ******. It's when you drop the ****** tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! It was terrible! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it into his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But as sure as I'm sitting here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
T
Toxic Ted
As the coffin was being loweredinto the ground at a Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forwardsucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperworksalready done" !!!
The Vicar smiles, leans forwardsucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperworksalready done" !!!
B
Barry98
T
Toxic Ted
[h=5]"G'day mate,Fosters Helpline... What's the problem mate?"
"Hi guys, I'm in Australia withthe girlfriend and she's been stung on the minge by a hornet, and now her fannyhas completely closed up"
"Bummer mate..."
"Thanks guys, that's what Ithought too. Bye..."[/h]
"Hi guys, I'm in Australia withthe girlfriend and she's been stung on the minge by a hornet, and now her fannyhas completely closed up"
"Bummer mate..."
"Thanks guys, that's what Ithought too. Bye..."[/h]
B
Billy Bob Bob
D
Dotty
Ha! Traveled along that street in Belfast today, couldn't help laughing!
It's Fitzroy Avenue....
T
TomLane
I was blessed with a giant *****.
Looking back, I think the priest took advantage of me.
Looking back, I think the priest took advantage of me.
K
kay-jay
sweet jeebus tesco, is there nothing you won't put into the food chain.....
K
kay-jay
K
kay-jay
go on, you know you want to......
B
Billy Bob Bob
B
Billy Bob Bob
links broke VT
B
Billy Bob Bob
attached images gives it away:devil2:
R
Rickster123
You mean whether? .... Schools in the midlands not much cop either then?!
This is your comment for today that makes me hate you a tiny piece more.
B
Billy Bob Bob
if you had not said it was a picture you could have had the joke going a lot longer,my comment links broke was designed to see how many else would say the same,the school you went to in brum should have taught you not to shout out in class
P
PlumbBobBob
and this shows why VT isn't a mod and you are lol
and me too of course
and me too of course
D
Dotty
I just looked and snorted with derision at VT's futility!
B
Billy Bob Bob
you will have to use words he can understand john, he has a limited vocabulary and looking at his spelling English was not his favorite in school LOL
D
Dotty
In honour of Sir Alex Ferguson's retirement, all Premiership matches will play an extra 2 minutes injury time this weekend.
R
Rickster123
Thatcher dies and now ferguson retires. Somewhere there's a scouser with a lamp and 1 wish left!
D
Dotty
Villa Tom has been offered a job by the government's Department of New Words.
It's a fantastic opporchancity.
It's a fantastic opporchancity.
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