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Welcome to the forum. Although you can post in any forum, the USA forum is here in case of local regs or laws
A Scotsman, Englishman and a Welshman were using the urinals .
The Englishman finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular, "At Oxford, I learned to be clean and sanitary." The man then left the bathroom in a cloud of self-satisfaction.
The Welsh gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, "At Cardiff University, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious." He then strode from the bathroom with a purposeful air.
The Jock man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In Scotland, we learn not to **** on our hands."
The Englishman finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular, "At Oxford, I learned to be clean and sanitary." The man then left the bathroom in a cloud of self-satisfaction.
The Welsh gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, "At Cardiff University, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious." He then strode from the bathroom with a purposeful air.
The Jock man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In Scotland, we learn not to **** on our hands."
D
Dotty
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained:
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained:
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
R
Ray Stafford
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.” The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,… and I didn’t land.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.” The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,… and I didn’t land.”
D
Dotty
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. The doctor said "When you feel you are ready to ejaculate try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion he ran home to his wife. At home he found his wife in bed naked and waiting. As the two began they found themselves in the 69 position. The man moments later felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired off the starter pistol. The next day the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked "How did it go?" The man answered "Not that well. When i fired the pistol my wife crapped in my face, bit my *****, and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
D
Dotty
Japanese couple having an argument ....
Husband says "Sukitaki !"
Wife replies "Kowanini !"
Husband says "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo !"
Wife on her knees begging "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji !"
Husband replies angrily "Kina tim kouji !"
And look at you, sitting there reading this as if you understand Japanese ....
You daft bugger!!!
Husband says "Sukitaki !"
Wife replies "Kowanini !"
Husband says "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo !"
Wife on her knees begging "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji !"
Husband replies angrily "Kina tim kouji !"
And look at you, sitting there reading this as if you understand Japanese ....
You daft bugger!!!
D
Dotty
The other night I went out with the lads.
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realising my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with her.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her 'MIDNIGHT'... She didn't seem upset in the least. Phew, I got away with that one!
Then she said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked her why, she said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh*t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!"
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realising my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with her.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her 'MIDNIGHT'... She didn't seem upset in the least. Phew, I got away with that one!
Then she said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked her why, she said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh*t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!"
D
Dotty
I dropped my son off for his first day at school earlier when the mother beside me started crying.
"Are you ok?" I asked.
"Its my daughter's first day," she sobbed. "I'm just a little worried that she won't fit in because of her weight."
"Well the doors are a little narrow," I replied.
"Are you ok?" I asked.
"Its my daughter's first day," she sobbed. "I'm just a little worried that she won't fit in because of her weight."
"Well the doors are a little narrow," I replied.
D
Dotty
I said to my mate, "I started rubbing my wife's clitoris last night and she went mental."
He said, "Wasn't she in the mood?"
I said, "I think it was because I'd used a wire brush!"
He said, "Wasn't she in the mood?"
I said, "I think it was because I'd used a wire brush!"
D
Dotty
I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
I said, "What's going on?"
"You tell me?" replied my wife.
I said, "I don't know, you're sitting on the sofa with a stranger."
"A stranger, hey?" shouted my girlfriend, "I'm no stranger, we've been having sex for six months!"
I looked at my wife and said, "Is this true?"
I said, "What's going on?"
"You tell me?" replied my wife.
I said, "I don't know, you're sitting on the sofa with a stranger."
"A stranger, hey?" shouted my girlfriend, "I'm no stranger, we've been having sex for six months!"
I looked at my wife and said, "Is this true?"
D
Dotty
One night after a date, a guy takes his girlfriend home. After kissing each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little *****. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Honey, would you give me a blow job?"
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you..."
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom."
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you..."
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom."
A fella take`s a girl home back to her parents house shhhhh she say`s be quite Mum and Dad are in bed asleep and I don`t want you waking them after a kiss and a fumble He say`s I`m busting to use the loo oh no she say`s toilet upstair`s next to their room you will have to use the kitchen sink after a few minute`s she say`s are you O.K sure he replies where do they keep the toilet roll.....regards turnpin:tongue3:
D
Dotty
Help! Has anyone got a phone number for the Ghostbusters? I think I may have a poltergeist.
I came in from work early and I heard my wife screaming, "Oh my God! Oh my God!"
I quickly ran upstairs and she was covered head to foot in ectoplasm and the wardrobe doors wouldn't stop trembling...
I came in from work early and I heard my wife screaming, "Oh my God! Oh my God!"
I quickly ran upstairs and she was covered head to foot in ectoplasm and the wardrobe doors wouldn't stop trembling...
M
Masood
This is your second language, so we will let you off 🙂 plus you speak better English than most people on Jeremy Kyle 🙂
i am afraid its not my second language ....its actually my third
Not a chance 🙂
when I was laid off in 2010 I had 6 weeks off between jobs and had never watched it till then, never again though, makes me ashamed to be English :-(
B
Billy Bob Bob
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER…
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17 kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers on route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job on-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Another Blow job
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over, naturally)
6:45 ****, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of ****
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV
as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17 kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers on route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job on-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Another Blow job
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over, naturally)
6:45 ****, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of ****
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV
as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
B
Billy Bob Bob
D
dontknowitall
... A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
LOL LOL :smile:
LOL LOL :smile:
E
erpkid
A woman is stood at the top of a cliff, she's just about to jump off as this tramp walks past.
'You gonna kill yourself?' he asks.
'Yes I am, now go away' she replies.
'Well' he says, 'If you're gonna kill yourself, can we have sex first?'
'No we can't, you disgusting creep!' she shouts.
'Well that's alright then' he responds, 'I'll go and wait for you at the bottom!'
'You gonna kill yourself?' he asks.
'Yes I am, now go away' she replies.
'Well' he says, 'If you're gonna kill yourself, can we have sex first?'
'No we can't, you disgusting creep!' she shouts.
'Well that's alright then' he responds, 'I'll go and wait for you at the bottom!'
K
kay-jay
D
Dotty
My wife arrived back from her driving test today."So," I asked excitedly,"how did you get on?" "Not good," she replied."He failed me!" "Oh dear!" I said sympathetically."It can't be that bad,what did he pull you up on?" "A rope," she replied."The car's still at the bottom of the river."
D
Dotty
Paddy's in Hospital with his feet bandaged up when Mick comes to visit him.
"What the hell happened to you Paddy?" Asks Mick.
"Ooh,it's that bloody Asda again," he says."I bought a sponge pudding for my tea last night and it said,pierce the tin,then stand in boiling water for 15 mins."
"What the hell happened to you Paddy?" Asks Mick.
"Ooh,it's that bloody Asda again," he says."I bought a sponge pudding for my tea last night and it said,pierce the tin,then stand in boiling water for 15 mins."
D
Dotty
A friend of mine burned to death when his barber shop was set on fire.
He could have escaped, but he was always told not to run with scissors.
He could have escaped, but he was always told not to run with scissors.
D
Dotty
My wife ended up moaning really loud this morning after I got her really wet.
That's the third time in a week I've piddled the bed
That's the third time in a week I've piddled the bed
D
Dotty
I was driving along when I saw my old teacher so I pulled up alongside her.
"Croppie, is that you? I remember you were such an intense child we joked you'd either be a serial killer or a famous actor! What are you doing these days?"
"Have you ever seen me in Coronation Street, Eastenders or Casualty?" I asked her.
"Not that I remember."
"So get in the effing van and shut up."
"Croppie, is that you? I remember you were such an intense child we joked you'd either be a serial killer or a famous actor! What are you doing these days?"
"Have you ever seen me in Coronation Street, Eastenders or Casualty?" I asked her.
"Not that I remember."
"So get in the effing van and shut up."
D
Dotty
Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living.
"I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.
"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
"A what?" asked the builder.
"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."
"Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"
"A pond" the builder replied.
"Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."
"I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.
"Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..."
The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."
"Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."
"Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.
The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't ********** often."
"Never!" the builder exclaimed.
"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"
The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"
"Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist."
"A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.
"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
"No" replied his mate.
"Well, you're a w@nker then!"
"I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.
"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
"A what?" asked the builder.
"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."
"Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"
"A pond" the builder replied.
"Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."
"I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.
"Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..."
The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."
"Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."
"Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.
The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't ********** often."
"Never!" the builder exclaimed.
"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"
The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"
"Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist."
"A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.
"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
"No" replied his mate.
"Well, you're a w@nker then!"
Fella go`s into a chemist and whisper`s to the pretty young thing behind the counter I would like to buy some condom`s
She say`s what size ? I`m not sure well go out into the back yard and try the hole`s in the fence there are three size`s
Small ...Medium and ******* liar.So he go`s outside and returns medium he say`s we have a special offer on the more you buy the more you save better let me have 99 he said ...fcuk me she said ...oh go on then make it a hundred then..regards turnpin:cool3:
She say`s what size ? I`m not sure well go out into the back yard and try the hole`s in the fence there are three size`s
Small ...Medium and ******* liar.So he go`s outside and returns medium he say`s we have a special offer on the more you buy the more you save better let me have 99 he said ...fcuk me she said ...oh go on then make it a hundred then..regards turnpin:cool3:
D
dontknowitall
lol, Turnpin. Reminds me of one:
Father goes into chemist with 19 year old son. Condoms in packets of 3, 6 and 12. "Why the different sizes, Dad?"
"Ah. 3. For your age. One for Friday, one for Saturday, one for Sunday. 6. For when you're a bit older. Two for Friday, two for Saturday, two for Sunday."
"What's 12 for?!!!"
"Ah. When you're married .... one for January, one for February ..."
Father goes into chemist with 19 year old son. Condoms in packets of 3, 6 and 12. "Why the different sizes, Dad?"
"Ah. 3. For your age. One for Friday, one for Saturday, one for Sunday. 6. For when you're a bit older. Two for Friday, two for Saturday, two for Sunday."
"What's 12 for?!!!"
"Ah. When you're married .... one for January, one for February ..."
G
Guest123
J
julesverne
your Mums vagina and a horse have 2 things in common.
they're fun to ride and everyone in tesco has had a taste.
just saying ;0)
they're fun to ride and everyone in tesco has had a taste.
just saying ;0)
Saw this on twitter earlier!
Kudos to anyone that can work out who it looks like & double kudos to whoever has the balls to name him!!! 🙂
that looks like croppie 🙂
can I have my kudos please? 🙂
T
TomLane
Maybe ;-)
I heard a loud swishing sound earlier, think it might have been his whip & he's not afraid to use it!
T
TomLane
Which mod do you think we could persuade to change said persons avatar to this?!?
D
Dotty
R
Resolute
D
Dotty
There. you had 10 minutes as that strange blond thing. I've given you Mr Bump back.
D
Dotty
He just wants me to put him over my knee..... Raised that boy as my own!
Prawn of my loins!
B
Billy Bob Bob
O
on31ll
D
Dotty
B
Billy Bob Bob
T
TomLane
After being caught twice for speeding on the way home from work, I've finally learned my lesson.
I go a different route now.
I go a different route now.
J
julesverne
Paddy phone`s the AA when his motorbike break`s down when the mechanic arrive`s he ask`s what happened ..I was going o.k until I went around the bend and up the hill when I just lost power....and what gear were you in ......just me wellie`s donkey coat and me crash helmet....regards turnpin:8:
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor
had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and
on....
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he
poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in
the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he
dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was
told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay
of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to
go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor
had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and
on....
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he
poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in
the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he
dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was
told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay
of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to
go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
B
Billy Bob Bob
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying ******? asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish ******. It's when you drop the ****** tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! It was terrible! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it into his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But as sure as I'm sitting here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
"What about trying ******? asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish ******. It's when you drop the ****** tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! It was terrible! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it into his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But as sure as I'm sitting here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
T
Toxic Ted
T
Toxic Ted
D
Dotty
Ha! Traveled along that street in Belfast today, couldn't help laughing!
It's Fitzroy Avenue....
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